I’ve begun training for a new job this week. I left a job I really liked and was good at. Most of all, I left kids I really loved and cared about and co-workers who were trustworthy friends (not always the kind of friends you make at work).
Tonight working through some remorse with my decision. I keep thinking about the kids – will the person who comes in my place see their good, their potential? Will they see past the act the kids put on as a defense mechanism?
I have a lot of questions about my new position and am kind of anxious to see what it’s really going to look like once I’m done training. You could say I’m still a little gun shy about getting back into mental health.
It’s what I’m experienced in, trained in, educated in, good at, but none of that matters if your working conditions don’t allow you to operate effectively.
I guess I just have to remember that it’s okay to not feel okay. It’s okay to be wary. It’s okay to be cautious. It’s okay to be sad and to cry. It’s okay to pour a glass of wine and eat an entire bag of steamed edamame (probably followed by ice cream).
New things (even new things that resemble old things) take some adjusting to.
A line from the Liturgists “Vapor” meditation comes to mind –
(6:46) So what are you so worried about? What causes you stress? Because it’s going to the dirt just like everything and everyone else. It is vapor. Mist. Smoke.
My eternal perspective has definitely been off kilter the past few days. But none of this is out of the Divine’s hands. None of this is a surprise. None of this changes who I am in the eyes of the Creator or who the Creator is to me, for me, or in me.
Change may be certain, but God is steady. That’s one of the reasons I chose the blog name.
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies are new every morning.
New mercies for a new day, a new job, a new routine, a new hope.
God’s promises don’t change or fade away and fear is a trick of the devil.
Unwind. Unwind the knots, the grip.
Breathe.
Be.
See?
