Eleven days til Christmas.
Tonight’s background noise is one child playing Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” on the piano and the other playing Call of Duty while talking to a friend. Thanks to our open house floor plan, these things are virtually happening side by side.
This has nothing to do with that, but I will not buy a home with an open house floor plan again. I want rooms, separate spaces, little nooks to hide away in.
I have candles burning to entice me to sit here. I set this laptop up after I closed my work one and moved it out of the way. It worked. I’m sitting here.
We had leftovers for dinner so all that took was an air fryer and a little microwaving. The act of conjuring dinner on a nightly basis is so much more exhausting than I ever thought it could be. I can’t believe people have done this for all of eternity. Constantly have meals to plan and shop for and cook and clean up after. When it’s up to me to feed only myself sometimes it’s just chips and salsa or maybe some ice cream. It’s fine, I’ve been eating berries for breakfast (no cutting or preparing, just a quick rinse) and eating bread and butter for lunch. Something about soft butter on french loaf is just so satisfying. Around the late afternoon I usually realize I’m jittery with hunger and then it all goes off the rails. After which, I really do not want to cook dinner because I am no longer hungry. Probably need a different routine for all that.
It’s literally so hard to care for yourself. Or is that just me? I shouldn’t rope you into this – it is so hard to care for myself. Like, there are just so many tasks to just be a functional human person. Some people seem completely unfazed by all of it and I wonder about that. Who is teetering more on the edge?
On another note, I think my silverware is actually growing legs and walking away. But only the forks and spoons. The butter knives are completely loyal.
Also, I was wrong about Call of Duty, it’s actually Roblox but one of the games with shooting so it all sounds the same from here in my room. Have you ever played Theme Park Tycoon on Roblox? You get to build a theme park and it is actually addicting for me. I didn’t mean to enjoy it so much, but that’s what happens, I guess. It’s how my mother-in-law was once addicted to Farmville to the point that she stopped on a road trip so that she could find wifi and harvest her pumpkins. I was so confused then – I was like, are they real?
It’s funny how real things are even when we can’t touch them or hold them. We act sometimes like that’s a new concept because of technology – but humans have always been believing in things we can’t see.
Speaking of things we can’t see, I’d like to add a picture here, but I swear it used to be easier for me to do that. I think I maybe had more patience. And more uninterrupted time. Maybe more passion, more drive, more connection to a muse or two.
And speaking of muses and other worldly influences – I don’t feel Christmas-y yet. This holiday season (which starts with Halloween, fyi) has been a lot of going through the motions. Something in me is a little disconnected. All the parts aren’t really going together. My brain is doing a thing while my body is doing another and my spirit is just sort of waiting for the other two parts to get it together maybe?
I feel like it’s right around the corner. It might be waiting on payday.
