Why are you like this? If the question isn’t asked directly (and it has been), it’s often implied. I feel like a fish out of water a lot lately. To be honest, I don’t even think I’m a fish. I’m probably a frog.
The more I thought about the question seriously, the more I was like “how could I NOT be like this” ? But it’s not really fair to assume someone who isn’t inside my head could see the obvious-to-me journey that led me here.
So often we see someone who we feel is “like us” because they fit into some of the same categories we fit into in the world and we forget that we don’t know their whole story so we may have some differences in addition to the similarities. Which is okay. It’s okay if you’re the frog out of water. We need the whole ecosystem, not just the fish.
Who we are is a complex combination of our intrinsic traits, tendencies, and preferences mixed with our experiences. Since we continue having experiences as long as we live, it is reasonable that we may change over time and sometimes this change is surprising to the people around us who don’t know all the ingredients that have contributed to our current state of being.
I grew up in the Christian church as a highly active member from elementary school-college. I grew up watching Sesame Street and Mr Rogers and Nick News. I was a Girl Scout and now I’m a Girl Scout leader. I protested the sell of land that adjoined our family farm with my family when I was a child. I have a degree in Psychology and have worked in the mental health field for 10 years with 8 of those years being in direct care as an advocate and therapeutic support for people where I sat in their homes and drove them in my car and went with them to DSS and the courthouse and the classroom and the free clinical and the grocery store and McDonalds and the social security department the homeless shelter and the emergency room.
I saw my father strike with the Union. He preached girl power. He breathes my lineage into me every chance that he gets and I know I come from heartbreak and hard work and tragedy and generosity and status and chaos – like so many other Southerners.
My mother rages against unkindness and injustice. She cares deeply that people are treated right and that they act with integrity. She read me Native American legends as bedtime stories and takes reduce, reuse, recycle seriously along with the health warnings about aspertame. She made me the bell-bottoms that earned me the nickname “hippie” in 6th grade. She let me wear her dresses from the 70’s and said nothing when I would pretend I was Anne of Green Gables and Harriet the Spy.
I grew up reading and walking in the woods with no MTV and no internet and no neighborhood. I lit incense and read my poems to myself in my mirror for hours in what I now know was equivalent to hours of quiet time with God. I lit up learning about revolutions, change agents, and history makers starting in first grade. I felt the call on my spirit to “do something for those in need” before I graduated high school.
So what I’m trying to say is this: I was born this way, I was bred this way, I was educated this way, I was trained this way. I am this way. This is the path I have always been on. Maybe I was a tadpole and you thought I was a small fish, but I was a frog.
The following are some Bible verses and passages that really highlight the convictions God has laid on my heart that I try to apply to my life and my choices (like voting).
Learn to do right; seek justice.
Defend the oppressed.[a]
Take up the cause of the fatherless;
plead the case of the widow. Isaiah 1:17 NIV
He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly[a] with your God. Micah 6:8 NIV
Evil men do not understand justice, but those who seek the Lord understand it completely. Proverbs 28:5 ESV
“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; Luke 3:37 ESV
To do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice. Proverbs 21:3 ESV
Thus says the Lord: Do justice and righteousness, and deliver from the hand of the oppressor him who has been robbed. And do no wrong or violence to the resident alien, the fatherless, and the widow, nor shed innocent blood in this place. Jeremiah 22:3 ESV
7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:7-8
Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ Matthew 25: 37-45 NIV
Even though I know the promise much more than I know the law, the Girl Scout Promise and Law are the core of the program and since at this point in my life I have been in Girl Scouts about 14 years total I think it’s safe to say these concepts have shaped me.
The Girl Scout Promise
On my honor, I will try:
To serve God and my country,
To help people at all times,
And to live by the Girl Scout Law.
The Girl Scout Law
I will do my best to be
honest and fair,
friendly and helpful,
considerate and caring,
courageous and strong, and
responsible for what I say and do,
and to
respect myself and others,
respect authority*,
use resources wisely,
make the world a better place, and
be a sister to every Girl Scout.
*I would like to add, for those who know my tendency to rail against some authority that I place God’s authority as my only true authority figure and if a real life person is out of line, I have no qualms about rallying against them. I believe everyone deserves a level of respect as a creature of God, but only people who deserve respect as authority get it from me. That respect must be earned, and a lot of people in charge of various things have not earned it and should be held accountable out of respect for all the people they are in a position of authority over.
These 3 quotes/prayers are the ones that I have kept closest to my heart over the past few years:
Interpretive translation of Talmudic texts:
Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief.
Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now.
You are not obligated to complete the work,
but neither are you free to abandon it.
St. Francis Prayer
“Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is dispair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.”
“Your daily life is your temple and religion. When you enter into it, take with you your all. ” -Kahlil Gibran
So, If you ever wonder why I choose what I choose, especially if I choose differently than you and you are surprised by that, these things are the short version of why. I know you have your lists too. We all do. I just wanted to lay mine out here, for myself if nothing else. To remind myself when the world around me has me doubting.
I’ve honestly struggled much more as an adult than I ever did as a kid or teenager for feeling “different” at times and I can’t pinpoint why, but it’s very exhausting.
I know I’m not alone in anything that I think or feel – the internet has made it easy for me to see that there are plenty of people out there like me.
It’s probably the way I see people talk about “others” on social media to be honest. Some people surprise me, disappoint me, concern me. I’m tired of the stereotypes and the name calling and the hard lines being drawn. I can’t fully fit behind ANYONE’S hard line that I’ve seen drawn so when I take that too seriously, that leaves me feeling fragmented in the world. A little this, a little that, too much of some things and not enough of another. I don’t want to have to present a dissertation or research paper every time I share a thought or opinion. I just want to be accepted. As a whole entire person. Not told that I need to read the Bible or find another news source, not told that I don’t know what I’m talking about or that I’m dumb for believing in something or that I’m a traitor.
I don’t know what to do about the fact that so many people seem to have very different moral codes and values while they exist in the same families and churches and towns. It’s frustrating and it hurts but the only answer can’t be to just disown one another. The only answer can’t be to just yell and call the other person names. The only answer can’t be to hide your truth to prevent conflict. Right? I mean, it’s one answer but it’s not the only one.
I don’t give up on people. So, I won’t draw a hard line. I won’t disown anyone. I won’t call anyone names. I’m confident in my current convictions and I’m comfortable enough in them to not need anyone else to approve of them. Sometimes we have to stop trying to convince people and instead just live the life we are called to live and if someone is changed by that, then that’s the Spirit moving. We can’t demean people into agreeing with us.
Something I learned while providing mental health services in the community is that I had a lot more in common with people that seemed very different than me than I thought. I learned this by spending time with them and listening to them and just being with them. When you strip a person down and look at them without their religion or their race or their job history or their family history or their health or their body type or their clothing choices or whatever else you see when you see a person and just exist in the same space as someone for a while, the truth comes out that we’re all full of most of the same fears and desires. Humans are very simple at their core.
I’m ready to just be a human with other humans. I’m tired of being a frog.
